"He ain't hearing me"

This morning I woke up to a message from a girl who I had the opportunity of caring for, being a mentor to, being a parent, friend, and Christian in her life. She is precious to me and has grown to have a beautiful family. She shared how much she missed our family and if I would pray for her and her children. When I asked what she would like prayer for, I also felt the need to remind and encourage her that as much as I can pray, God hears her just the same and she has the same rights as I do when it comes to being a child of God. Her response was what they were going through but also she shared "I keep praying but I feel like He ain't hearing me."

I was quickly brought back to a time when I believed God didn't hear my prayers. This wasn't just a time but many times. I remember a time specific where I was in a such a mess and didn't know how to get out. I was living with an abusive boyfriend who was controlling, manipulative and honestly I believe was literally crazy. I remember he put a fridge and radio in the room and when he would go to work, he would say "I don't want you coming out of this room when I'm at work, everything you need is in here. If I find out from my cousin (who also lived in this house) that you left this room, I'm throwing all of your stuff outside and you can find somewhere else to live." At this time I had no family or friends around and unfortunately even if I did, I'm not sure I would've reached out. The thing about the enemy is he clouds and sets up your mind and convinces you that you have no other options, he orchestrates it all and starts to have you believe that you should be thankful for what is in front of you and that things really are okay. He has you hold on to the hope that continues to burn, damage, and use you until your identity and self confidence is completely stripped. This hope never brings the desire of your heart but continues to allow you to cope and keeps you from going completely mad but also keeps you trapped in the exact plans the enemy has for you - to steal, kill, and destroy you, your life, and your family. This was a time when I didn't feel like God heard my prayers. "God why am I here? Why is it always so hard? What do I do?" I remember just crying and not having words but just being so broken.

As I look back now, I see that God with me in every step, praying, speaking, protecting, trying to lead me out of the darkness I put myself in. I remember when the darkness over my mind broke. I was crying out to God as I was driving from my families home back to this crazy boyfriend's house which I called home. All of the sudden, it was like a light bulb turned on and the darkness, confusion, hopelessness broke! It literally broke and disappeared. It was almost as if I literally had glasses on that kept me thinking, believing and walking through the filter of what I could see through the glasses. And when it disappeared I could see clearly with a sober mind and a grace to do what I knew I needed to do, get my stuff and peace out! And that is exactly what I did, walked in that house, grabbed my stuff, and said I'm leaving- BYE! In all transparency I didn't do it that way lol, as I said I believe this person was literally crazy and was honestly terrified he would do something crazy or hurt me. I shared with him that I found a friend to live with close by and was going to stay with them for awhile. BUT once I left, I did let him know he would never see me again and I was going home to my parents who lived far away.

To respond to my friends "I keep praying but I feel like He ain't hearing me", I have thought this same thing to find out that He was with me in every prayer, broken with me. God is broken about your brokenness. He desires to give you life and life more abundantly. Prayers are heard and God will answer them but it will be through Him leading you through it. He leads you follow. It's reminds me of my children who come to me and share they broke thier toy. I tell them bring it to me so I can fix it, sometimes they will stand there crying and crying repeating that their toy is broken and they can't fix it. I continue to tell them "Bring it to me, I'll fix it...bring it to me, I'll fix it, Ana...bring it to me, I'll fix it. Ana, listen to me, bring me your toy and I will fix it for you." After her breakdown and finally being ready to hear what I'm saying, she listens and does exactly what I said, I fix it, she's happy again and we carry on. Sometimes our problems and issues can be fixed quickly. Sometimes we have dug ourselves in such a deep hole that it seems we are in survival and only see a pinch of daylight if we even see that. God is able to deliver us in the simple things and the deep things. In the Bible I think about the people who were healed, "get up and walk" and the disciples He called "follow Me". It was such a simple thing to say but WOW, the miracles and deliverance that came as they listened and did the simple thing He said.

What is the simple thing He is saying to you or has said to you?

Our answers from God come from relationship with Him, from doing the thing you know to do that He is asking. I had a pastor tell me "If you don't know what God is saying or feel He is not speaking, do the last thing He told you to do." This still is true today in my life. Just last week, I asked God to speak to me about a situation, He answered through a scripture, the next week, I asked God again to speak to me about the same situation, guess what His answer was, the same scripture He gave me the week before. God is not mystical but alot of times practical and knows just how to speak to us, the question is are we listening? Until we can listen and do the thing He is asking, we will continue to pray but nothing may change. We are in relationship and partnership with God. It goes both ways, we talk to Him, He talks to us, we move forward together. Or like my daughter, we may sit and cry about our brokenness but never listen to how to fix it and just unfortunately keep our broken toy, broken life, broken heart. God has a remedy and died for us to experience His healing, love, and a new life. Yes He hears always and is there leading you and speaking but are you listening and acting? For whatever God is asking, He gives the grace and power to do it, you just have to choose it. Once you do, darkness flees and chains fall, you continue choosing Him and your life will never be the same. Keep doing the next simple thing.